At two months old you are not a newborn anymore. You’re our baby–our smiley little baby girl who loves milk, her baby gym, chatting, and napping in her carrier and hates being cold, tired, or startled. You’re also not the biggest fan of when I kiss you too hard on your irresistible cheeks. I’m working on it.
This has been a big month for you. Papa went back to work which was a bummer for us all. But he still does everything possible to make things easier for us, including making me breakfast every morning. But it’s not the same without him with us all day. I miss those early days, us three together. But you and I are finding our groove. Though I won’t lie, it’s hard making sure all your needs are met. I feel like I’m always forgetting something. But I’m trying my best, even if that doesn’t always feel good enough. I am pretty sure we are touching 20 hours a day… that’s where you want to be, sleeping, eating, playing. I heard that up until the last quarter of your first year you don’t realize you’re a separate person. That gutted me. Last night as I lay in bed while you were sleeping I teared up after feeling so depleted but also thinking this won’t last forever. I am OK with this most of the time, just not when I start reading sleep books and convincing myself that I’m stunting your ability to sleep. These are the thoughts of a new mama. Someone tell me to put down the books.
You sleep a lot, just not solid chunks in the night. I’m exhausted, but your smiles truly revive me each morning, even when I’m running on who knows what. They revive me in the middle of the night, too– me bleary eyed hoping you’ll go right back to sleep after eating then looking down at you only to see your huge eyes staring up at me and a big ‘ol grin on your face. When this happens I break the “rule” that I’m not supposed to engage during the night and I smile back. Then I tell you a story or sing you a lullaby. Both made up and absolutely terrible but you seem to enjoy them. The essential, hard lesson I learned this past month is you have been perpetually overtired! I had no idea that newborns shouldn’t stay awake for more than 45 minutes or so. So while I’d try and keep you up so you’d sleep at night, it was backfiring. So now we go on a little ‘schedule’ of making sure you’re not up for more than 1 1/2 hours or so (at 2 months). Sleep, eat, play/diaper change repeat. If you’re curious how you spent your days at 2 months old, that’s it.
You eat a lot, too. In fact, we had your first pediatrician appointment this week and you’ve gained 3 pounds, 6 ounces and about 3 inches in length. She also commented on how strong you are. Not a surprise. You’ve been a fighter from day one. I’m one proud mama. But more than that, from her and the nurse at the Mother/Baby clinic, the greatest compliment I’ve ever received is people commenting on how happy you are. You are, except when one of the forbidden “hates” comes into play. Have I mentioned how brave you are? You had the first of your vaccines and cried for a moment then were quickly comforted and back to your old self. This was such a relief. I’d been dreading this visit for weeks. Oh, and your first cold. We both survived. But I felt so bad for sniffling, sneezing, coughing you.
Enough about the hard bits. All you need to know, really, is being your mama is heaven for me. Really. It’s the ultimate gift and I never forget this.
You smile so much and it is bliss. You make me feel so loved and like the most important person in the world. You try to talk to us now and I don’t have the heart to tell you I don’t know what you’re saying so we just pretend we do. We figured out a successful bath routine with you! I draw a bath and get in and papa passes you to me, wrapped up loosely in a blanket. I hold you as you float a bit and I use a cloth to clean you. As long as papa is there to wrap you up in your hooded towel and snuggle you after, you love it. The first time we did this it felt healing for me as I’d wanted so much for you to be born in the water.
This month also marked my first mother’s day. Papa had to work, so we celebrated a few days early by going out to lunch and going on a nice walk together on Swan River Road in Bigfork. You slept the whole time. Then on mother’s day proper, you and I drove down to West Shore Beach on Flathead Lake and went on a little walk together. You slept then too. Both times we ended the outing with nursing in the backseat of the car and overlooking beautiful vistas. The gift of living here, as you’ll soon find out.
My little Bea babe, you’re growing and it’s such an incredible thing to watch. Even though you’re happiest exploring while being held by one of us, turning your head to and fro exploring your new world, you’re becoming so much more independent, hanging out on your lambskin while we eat dinner and playing with your gym. Who are you and what did you do with my newborn?
I love you, I love you, I love you,